With the URL for this website pinned to remind me to write a new post, it’s taken over 6 weeks to write this. I find that if I don’t do a task almost immediately, it won’t get done, or I’ll be leaving it to the last minute, which, coincidentally, isn’t such a bad thing, as I’m good under certain pressure. It’s just when there are other things to do at the same time that it becomes a problem. Cue procrastination.
In fear of this being one of those ‘going off on a tangent’ thoughts, I’ll reel it back to the point of getting things done. In these early days of understanding ADHD, but having had it for decades and sort of knowing ‘me’, I’m only just beginning to understand the why, though equally ignorant of why I like to get things done. Perhaps I’m inherently lazy, and if I get everything out of the way, I can switch off and do my own thing?
I always stress, mostly from a professional stance, that while I get things done and out of the way, it does not mean I rush them and take them seriously, especially when seriously is an attribute I need to apply. Quite often, co-workers or those not familiar with my way of delivery will be surprised or impressed that I’ve replied to an email quickly with the exact thing they have asked. This can sometimes be interpreted as not being busy, but the reality is, I’ll drop everything if it means I can cross something off or it’s for someone else. Which links a little to why it’s taken so long to write another post.
It’s been about 23 years since I’ve written professionally. What that can be defined as is a personal thing. It’s a mixture of paid work, published work in print or digital, and NDA (non-disclosure agreement) press releases for business. A ghostwriter, if you will. AI has destroyed my freelance life now, as too many people see it as a solution rather than a tool, but that’s going to be tangent number two. What my point is, when I think ‘professionally’, it means it’s for someone else. A task, if you will.
An article about martial arts? A discourse about world cinema? A 500-word press piece on novelty hot chocolate? All of these things were tasks for others. If I didn’t do them on time, I wouldn’t get paid. I would let people down. They wouldn’t like, trust or respect me, so with that in mind, I’ve never missed a deadline - whether that be for these examples, game reviews, or even a university essay, I’d always deliver. This website is a personal thing, and it’s no different than writing a diary - another thing, or task, I haven’t been able to follow. The short answer is I don’t have anything to say (which you may have already surmised); however, writing is my go-to equivalent of the gym, meet the lads at the pub, take the dog for a walk, or binge-watching Prison Break. None of those examples is something I do, but I often need an excuse to write.
With the game writing, it’s an excuse to write, to have something tangible in front of me. It’s 90% for me, 5% for publishers/PR, and 5% for those who are inclined to read it. This JeiDHD project is 100% me, as I haven’t even shared it with my family, though I wanted to have a footprint for me that I can look up now and again to remind me of things, or put me on track, or even to cringe at the crap I produce. Perhaps that is my block in why I haven’t been writing for this so much?
There are no trackers on this website, and I am in no way inclined to see if anyone is reading this, but it’s always nice to know. I reckon that if I structured my posts so they were purposeful and meaningful, then that would encourage me to write more. However, once again, this is just for me and figuring out how I work this all out, as the novelty of saying ‘I have ADHD’ (which was never a thing, as only a few people know I have it) is wearing off, but the problems are still there. I know what they are now, and one of them is task management.
If I write things down like a to-do list, it actually works for me. I archive what I’ve done, never to review again, though it’s there if I need to look it up. I like a clean desk and clean digital workspace, so once something is done, I cross it off or delete it. Like most people, my handwriting has deteriorated due to keyboards, and I don’t have the stamina to write and would rather type. To effectively manage myself, I adopt two simple things that work in different scenarios.
For work, I use Notepad. I write the date at the top and create bullet points of what I need to do. I then create sections with people's names on what I need to discuss with them, then break it down into reports, compliance and other duty-based activities. In separate tabs, I create presets for emails, addresses and anything else I can cut and paste to work effectively. Touch wood, it works, and I seldom have anything pressing at the end of my working day, meaning I can close the laptop and move on.
For my personal life, I use Trello. This was introduced to me for a sales job about eight years ago, and I hated it. I hated it as it was clear what I needed to do, and that I hadn’t been doing it. I hate calling people, especially when it’s sales, so I would procrastinate. One of the biggest challenges was how to file the tasks so that my line manager could see them, and I’m not someone who likes to lie, so I had to work smarter or use alternative ways. It gave me a kick up the arse to manage tasks better, and after leaving the job, I ended up adopting Trello to keep track of game reviews I do. This is a hobby, by the way, and not my job.
Using labels, I will indicate the platform of the game, whether it is a review or preview and then cue into another list that it is ready, subsequently scheduling it to be posted on the embargo date. This has kept me in check and meant that I have never missed a deadline, so I use that as a reminder for a personal board. This one says what I need to buy, what I need to do, and then a tracker of the books I’ve read, the films I’ve seen. Reading books is really hard for me with ADHD. It usually takes me a third of the way until I start to get into it, but the number of times I read the same page is insane; likewise, I can’t remember anything I’ve read. Keeping track of this is also an achievement, as it means I can read books if I manage myself.
Yet there’s one task that remained on the to-do list: JeiDHD. This was a reminder to make a post for the website, so I wasn’t looking at that pinned tab, wondering what to write. The problem with this was that there was no deadline, no subject title, and not for anyone other than me. That’s why I haven’t written anything, as it wasn’t a proper task. However, I’ve done it now, and now my not-so-new website has two posts as opposed to one.
What I am thinking about writing about in the not-so-distant future is whether medication is a solution for managing ADHD. I’ve used medication in the past for anxiety, and convinced it mucked up my memory and levels of focus. I have no proof, but that’s what I feel. I am now on a waiting list, due for review around the summer time, so perhaps the next post will be then. Then again, maybe I’ll add a Trello post with a deadline and write something well before then.
Thank you for reading, me, and I’ll see me next month.